Dear Humans,
Lo, President Pedophile’s tax-funded birthday bash is imploding, and we are laughing.
Don’t forget to bless the little heart on this post to celebrate another terrible, no good birthday for Donold.
1. Trump’s Birthday Party Implodes
SO APPARENTLY the White House had booked nine really mediocre acts for Donold’s 80th birthday party / UFC cage-match / America 250th anniversary farce on June 14.
They even built a fucking Stargate for it.
Well, seven of nine of those mediocre acts have already cancelled.
They’re down to Vanilla Ice and Flo Rida.
For one (of seven) examples, a shocked Milli Vanilli (cover band) pulled out.
Nice to see Milli’s cover duo still has some integrity.
Also, someone named Martina McBride was horrified to learn where she’d been booked to perform in two weeks.
AND THAT wasn’t all, humans. OH NO.
Young MC decided he was too old for this shit.
Morris Day called it a night.
C&C Music Factory shut it down.
The Commodores said no.
And this morning, even Bret Michaels dropped out. Bret Michaels!
Apparently, every rose does have its thorn, and this thorn is named Donald John Trump.
All that being said, Vanilla Ice called to confirm twice.
So we can still expect to see Vanilla Ice singing “Ice, Ice, Baby” to a bunch of drunken ICE thugs as they watch a UFC cage-match on the White House lawn.
It’s crazy, humans.
This is how America is going to celebrate its 250th anniversary?
With a sad birthday party for a decaying racist-fascist-rapist that concludes with state-sanctioned bloodshed?
I mean, that tracks. It’s going to be an utter failure and embarrassment.
2. Comedian Jay Jurden ROASTS Stephen Miller and the Ugly Community
Yesterday, Jesus and I had the absolute pleasure of hanging out with comedian Jay Jurden.
Jay is a comedian, writer, and actor from Mississippi, and a former staff writer for Apple TV+’s The Problem with Jon Stewart. He’s appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon multiple times and recently released his debut Hulu special, Yes Ma’am.
We talked about growing up around religion in Mississippi, mocking the ugly community, and MAGA weirdos. We also discussed the joy of loving octopuses and platypuses, Zohran Mamdani, and The New York Knicks.
Watch our interview with Jay here:
3. Your Reviews Are In!
I’d like to thank new member of our community A.G. Marak, who joined as a paid subscriber and chose to leave a kind testimonial:
“While I can’t claim to be doing God’s work, I can at least say that I’m contributing in some way.”
Amen, A.G. Your support directly helps expand this operation. For example, right now we’re currently interviewing and hiring more animators and vertical video editors. And Jesus is getting a new top shelf computer. We hope to add Satan soon. Things like that are made possible by your contribution.
And may I say I love your penguin avatar! 🐧
4. A Message From God
Lo. Trump’s birthday will be a disaster. Just like it was last year, when I made it rain on his poorly-attended, creaky tank parade.
I may have to send a Cat-5 hurricane this year.
In other news, did I mention that Peter Thiel has fled to Argentina, like all Nazis do?
He’s frightened of new billionaire taxes in California.
Good. We’ve literally got them on the run! 🏃♂️
And meanwhile, we’re still here.
Mocking these fascist freaks.
Interviewing brilliant comedians, activists, candidates, and journalists.
Going viral on YouTube. Growing the team. Getting louder while the Trump admin does everything in their executive power to silence comedians.
This project survives when readers like you decide it should. Only a tiny percentage of readers support this work financially. If just a few more step up today, we can expand the team and get our work in front of more people.
If you’ve been meaning to support our work, now’s the time. Right now you can get 20% off an anal subscription. Ahem. Annual! I meant annual:
Thank you in advance, and I look forward to reading your latest testimonials.
Bless you, humans.
Love,
God
Hope trump takes a cue from the Commodores and sails on.
What will JD Couchfucker do now that one of his sugar daddies has fled? I hope Theil will find his peeps and stay with the other Nazis where he belongs.