Trump Crashes Out Over His Terrible Poll Numbers

Smash the like button if his misery makes you happy. 😂

Dear Humans,

Lo, Trump is freaking out over his horrible poll numbers.

“When will the Fake Polls show that I am doing a great job on the Economy, and much more???”

When will the polls show you’re doing a great job?!? Excuse God a moment.

BWAHAHAHA!!!

Hey Donold, maybe your polls will improve once you actually do a great job. Which means your polls will never improve, you imbecile.

1. ALL-TIME HIGH!!!

You don’t scream “ALL-TIME HIGH!!!” unless you’re at an all-time low.

According to a new AP-NORC poll, only 31% of Americans approve of Trump’s handling of the economy, the lowest economic approval he’s ever recorded.

Nearly 70% of Americans say the economy is poor.

His approval on crime and immigration, once his supposed strength, is falling too. Even his hardcore supporters aren’t buying his line of bullshit anymore.

2. This Is What Losing Looks Like

President Criminal didn’t just campaign on the economy. It was everything. He was magically going to bring down all prices on day one.

He never shut the fuck up about it, remember? God remembers.

Polls aren’t fake. They’re just inconvenient. They’re the result of grocery store prices. Gas prices. Medical bills. They’re connected to people opening their bank apps and saying “what the fuck.”

3. God’s Final Word

Donald Trump isn’t being treated unfairly. He’s being measured.

He promised miracles. He delivered bills. And now he’s screaming at polls. It would be funny if it wasn’t all so utterly predictable.

You can lie to your supporters.

You can lie to cable news.

You can even lie to yourself.

But you can’t lie to our wallets, you miserable prick.

4. Join the Rebellion

Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every corporate media network, social media app, and billionaire has bent the knee to his fascist ambitions.

We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.

• “Dear God, I just subscribed after lurking for free for a while. So in return, please answer my modest prayer, which is this: I have a word. It is ICEHOLES. I’m sure in your omniscience you know exactly who I am talking about. The Word needs to be used far and wide, who better to help with that than the Almighty? Get Jesus to help too. Full disclosure, I’m a casual Buddhist. Hope that’s OK.” - Carl

• “I’ve always enjoyed your FB posts. I HAD to find something uplifting to do to spark a shot of hope through the darkness. This is it! Hallelujah!” — Nancy

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 19 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 20% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God