SMITE! Trump Seriously Worried About Going to Hell

White House confirms he’s serious. Heaven confirms he’s doomed.

Dear Humans,

Lo, God’s cup of schadenfreude once again overfloweth.

Donald Trump — the man who spent his life telling lies and doing evil — is now seriously worried he’s not getting into Heaven.

God just might die laughing! 🤣

1. Not (Maybe?) Heaven Bound

Aboard Air Force One, Trump stood next to Steve Doocy and said:

“I don’t think there’s anything that’s gonna get me in heaven. I think I’m not maybe heaven bound. I may be in heaven right now as we fly on Air Force One. I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to make heaven.”

Where did this sudden self-awareness come from?

Does he lie awake in bed with visions of Hellfire dancing in his head??

Is…is Trump reading God’s newsletter?!?

2. Confessions of a Doomed Man (Timeline)

This isn’t the first time Donold has talked about Heaven lately.

It’s like he’s working through the five stages of damnation in real time.

August: Trump: “If I can end that war, I think I’ll make it to Heaven.”

Karoline Leavitt: “I think the president was serious. I think the president wants to get to heaven — as I hope we all do in this room as well.”

September (fundraising email): “I want to try and get to Heaven.”

October: Trump: “I may be in Heaven right now as we fly on Air Force One.”

October (same interview): Trump: “I don’t think there’s anything that’s gonna get me in Heaven.”

That’s Me-damn right.

3. God’s Final Word

Lo, the mighty tremble at last.

Everything built on lies will crumble.

Everything built on hate will fall.

But everything built on love and truth shall endure.

So keep going, Humans.

Keep standing for what’s right.

Keep laughing in the face of madness.

We’re not just surviving this moment.

We’re outlasting it.

We will win.

4. Join God’s Rebellion

Trump is a fascist dictator.

Fascism isn’t coming — it’s already here.

We’re risking everything to call this shit out and bring truth and laughter to the fight.

Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist podcast alive — it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to roast miserable pricks like him.

• “I need a laugh or I will go crazy. Plus, I support media not owned by any corporation. God is great.“ - Gina

• “Heather Cox Richardson quoted you the other day, so I know God is for real! Yay, God! “ - Caiside

• “How are you able to make me laugh and inform me at the same time, with every post and podcast? I finally admitted I need to give you money because I read everything you post.” — Nancy M

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it.

The fight isn’t slowing down, and neither are we.

Independent media is under attack, but we’re still here—roasting these power-hungry bastards and calling out their bullshit.

Wow, you actually read to the end.

That kind of dedication deserves a reward, so today only we’re giving you 20% off forever.

🔥 Click here to claim your blessing and fight alongside us.

Now go forth and cause some righteous trouble.

Love,

God