Dear Humans,
Gather 'round, for I bring thee tidings of great schadenfreude. The pardoned January 6 insurrectionists keep getting arrested or worse. Karma doth continue its holy work. Let us review.
1. Oh How The Pardoned Have Fallen
IN PRISON– Emily Hernandez, who was seen gleefully carrying a broken piece of Speaker Pelosi’s nameplate, was later arrested for driving the wrong way down the highway and killing someone while drunk. She was sentenced to ten years in prison.
IN PRISON – Thomas Middendorf, yet another esteemed “freedom fighter,” was sentenced to 19 years in prison for child sex crimes. What an upstanding defender of democracy.
ARRESTED– One unidentified rioter, whose case was dismissed after a Trump pardon, has already been arrested again.
SHOT DEAD – Matthew Huttle, pardoned for his role in the insurrection, was shot dead by police in Indiana after resisting arrest during a traffic stop.
2. Have Some More Schadenfreude, On God
Because they want you terrified, confused, and drowning in chaos every single day, let’s take some time to laugh at some more recent MAGA who instantly regret voting for him.
2. God’s Final Word
Behold, My children, as poetic justice plays out before thine eyes. The pardoned criminals will fall, one after another, proving yet again that forgiveness from a conman is not the same as absolution from the laws of the universe. For what they hath sown, so shall they reap.
3. Join the Rebellion
Donold’s supporters don’t care if they lose their jobs or their freedom or anything as long as he is performatively ‘owning the libs.’ That’s how much they have been taught to hate you.
We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.
"I've always enjoyed your FB posts. This inauguration, I HAD to find something uplifting to do to spark a shot of hope through the darkness. This is it! Hallelujah!" — Nancy
"I need a laugh or I will go crazy. Plus, I support media not owned by any corporation. God is great." - Gina
So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 8 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 20% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.
Click here to claim your blessing and fight alongside us.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God
Donald Trump is no more (a) President of the United States of America than a taxi driver is a taxidermist.
I knew this would happen. Most of these people already had records. Congratulations, Tronald Dump!