Miserable Prick Wants To Take Over The World

Nothing will fill the emptiness inside him.

Dearest Human,

Despite running on the price of groceries, Donold has now decided the real issue isn’t inflation—it’s world conquest. At a press conference yesterday, he announced he wants to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, annex Canada and invade Greenland and Panama. Let’s break it down.

I agree, Bubbles. I agree.

1. Renaming the Gulf of Mexico

Donold says he will rename the ‘Gulf of Mexico’ the ‘Gulf of America.’ While this news has delighted stupid people everywhere, there are still no plans for eggs or gas.

Renaming it the Gulf of America? I shit you not, this was an idea done on The Colbert Report back in 2010.

Conservatives on Reddit think it’s all a joke. Other’s aren’t so sure. The newest right-wing ‘fact check’ is going after me for saying Trump wants to invade other countries. But he has explicitly said that today.

It’s not a joke. Threatening other countries isn’t a game. He’s about to be president again and he wants to attack Canada. The USA has become a combination of the movies Idiocracy and South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.

2. Invading Greenland

President-elect Donold stated that he would not rule out the use of military force to acquire Greenland, and even sent his cokehead son there, who didn’t meet with anyone, because no one wanted to talk to them.

What does the cost of eggs have to do with conquering Greenland?

Trump questioned Denmark's legal claim to Greenland, suggesting the island should be “ceded” to the U.S. for security purposes. Ceded? Does this stupid motherfucker think Greenland won’t cut a bitch?

Denmark wasted no time responding. Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen dismissed the idea, while Greenland’s Prime Minister Múte Egede reiterated: Greenland is not for sale. To make it crystal clear, Denmark announced $1.5 billion to bolster its military presence in the region.

Denmark to Trump: “Bring it on, asshole.”

3. Annexing Canada

Donold claims Canadians “love” the idea of being the 51st state. Obviously, that’s total bullshit. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau clapped back, stating there’s “not a snowball’s chance in hell” Canada joins the U.S.

Donold wants to blame Canada.

This reeks of desperation. Is this Donold’s master plan to distract from his lack of solutions for America? Likely. Is he jealous of President Musk’s attention? Probably. But no amount of world-conquest shit-posting will fill the void inside him.

Canada to Trump: “Take off, you hoser.”

4. Invading Panama

Panama isn’t safe from Donold’s delusions. After suggesting military force to “reclaim” the Panama Canal, Panamanians responded with patriotic outrage. President José Raúl Mulino reiterated that the canal is theirs, and its sovereignty is non-negotiable.

Panamanians across the country rallied behind the sentiment, with patriotic fervor surging as citizens denounced Trump’s threats as a direct affront to their independence.

Panama to Donold—“shut your mouth, pendejo.”

Thou shalt not promise lower grocery prices and then deliver World War 3. Thou shalt not try to distract everyone from your insane bullshit with even more insane bullshit.

God to Trump: You’re uh…you’re going to hell, buddy. And nobody takes anything you say seriously. Now run home to your owner, President Musk.

5. God Has Smiled Upon You This Day

When tyrants talk of annexation, remember this: the real heroes are those who stand up for what’s right. And what better way to rally the troops than with the iconic "La Resistance" medley from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut?

Not only is it a hilarious, God-approved anthem for defending Canada, Greenland, Panama, and more to come, but it’s also a reminder that humor and hope can defeat even the most miserable of pricks. Enjoy this masterpiece, and may it inspire you to fight back with laughter and memes.

6. Join The Rebellion

Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump, a man who literally wants to take over the world, is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every network and billionaire seems to be bending the knee to his fascist ambitions.

We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.

So if you’ve enjoyed today’s righteous reckoning, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Upgrade your subscription today at 20% off before the sale ends tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.

Click here to claim your blessing and keep the smites coming.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God