Lindsey Graham Died

Dear Humans,

HOLY SHIT! While you were sleeping, Lindsey Graham dropped dead.

I choose to remember him how he lived — clutching a pink bubble wand at Disney World during a government shutdown.

Before we begin, bless the little heart on this post so the Epstein class billionaires accidentally show it to many more people.

And if this newsletter makes you laugh, join today as a paid subscriber and help keep the #1 Humor publication on Substack independent, growing, and fighting back hard. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

1. Lindsay Graham Dead

Senator Lindsey Graham died at 71 suddenly from cardiac arrest after a “brief and sudden illness” right after visiting Ukraine.

President Pedophile handled it with his usual tact and class.

Many people were asking questions about how Lindsey died.

Was it Russia? Was it Iran?

Did he eat some bad Taco Bell?

So now he’s in Hell?

Was it Covid? Was it TDS? Was he just trying to distract for Mitch?

No, apparently it was just a heart attack.

Anyway, good job, humans.

All this pressure you’ve been putting on Lady Death on social media lately seems to be paying off. Keep up the chatter!

2. Donald Is Worried He’s Next

As God, I spend a lot of time reading the news. I know you all have a million thoughts on all this, but I would be remiss in not mentioning that this week Donald has been extra worried that Iran is working to take him out.

And let’s not forget he had to leave Bribe Force One behind in Turkey due to security concerns.

In fact, Trump posted yet another insane rant yesterday where he expressed these fears.

Note the all caps “ME!”

And yet he also keeps saying things like “Praise be to Allah!” in a sarcastic, mocking way.

Openly promising and celebrating war crimes. Pure evil.

“Where do bad folks go when they die?

They don’t go to heaven where the angels fly

Go to a lake of fire and fry

See ‘em again ‘til the Fourth of July”

- Meat Puppets

3. God’s Sunday Message

Power has a way of making terrible men feel immortal.

They build monuments to themselves. They surround themselves with cowards. They threaten the whole world, crush the innocent, and convince themselves they’ll never have to answer for any of it.

But every tyrant eventually learns the same humiliating lesson:

The clock was ticking the whole time.

None of these men will rule forever.

Not Trump. Not Putin.

Not the billionaires buying governments.

Not the preachers selling cruelty in My name.

They too. will pass.

And you will still be here.

Still loving people. Still making jokes. Still telling the truth. Still building a kinder world from the wreckage they leave behind.

That’s why you must never confuse their power with permanence.

They are temporary.

You are the future.

Keep going.

Love,

God

P.S. If these letters make you laugh, help you stay sane, or remind you that you’re not alone, become a paid subscriber and support My work. Your support keeps the #1 Humor publication on Substack independent, growing, and fighting back hard.