NEW HAVEN, CT - In a surprising turn of events, JD Vance’s college couch has broken its long silence to share its side of the story about its relationship with the now-prominent political figure.
"The horror... the horror......"
Aaawww, that poor couch… Being subjected to JD’s tiny head day in and day out; but I’d have to go with
“TAINTED LOVE”, as those overly-desecrated cushions were subjected to more TAINT than anybody should ever have to be!!!
But it seems as though that couch has not only been BROKEN-IN, it is heart-broken, as well. And that’s kinda sad, in a disturbing sorta way🛋️😩💔
Slick
😂🤣
Shillbilly Effigy
title: Tales from the Dark Side!
I'd ask the couch:
"Which of J.D.'s flatulence was worse: verbal or anal?"
“Unstuffed: My Hetero-Sectional Life”
Under the Dark Side, a tale of non-consensual crevice abuse by authentic ass.
“A Comforter Tale: Love Seated and Beaten”
I never knew couch surfing could be so hot.
Do I need more coffee? I read this as his college COACH....
Worn leather, my story.
Sectional Healing
That’s hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣
"As the Cushions Turn"
by JD's spunk-filled couch
“COUCHED CONFESSIONS, a Story”
"The horror... the horror......"
Aaawww, that poor couch… Being subjected to JD’s tiny head day in and day out; but I’d have to go with
“TAINTED LOVE”, as those overly-desecrated cushions were subjected to more TAINT than anybody should ever have to be!!!
But it seems as though that couch has not only been BROKEN-IN, it is heart-broken, as well. And that’s kinda sad, in a disturbing sorta way🛋️😩💔
Slick
😂🤣
Shillbilly Effigy
title: Tales from the Dark Side!
I'd ask the couch:
"Which of J.D.'s flatulence was worse: verbal or anal?"
“Unstuffed: My Hetero-Sectional Life”
Under the Dark Side, a tale of non-consensual crevice abuse by authentic ass.
“A Comforter Tale: Love Seated and Beaten”
I never knew couch surfing could be so hot.
Do I need more coffee? I read this as his college COACH....
Worn leather, my story.
Sectional Healing
That’s hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣
"As the Cushions Turn"
by JD's spunk-filled couch
“COUCHED CONFESSIONS, a Story”