Dear Humans,
Lo, it’s been quite a week. Many people have been asking God whether or not Senator Mitch McConnell has died.
But before we begin, bless the little heart on this post so the Epstein class billionaires accidentally show it to many more people.
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1. I Looked Everywhere For Him
Remember when Mitch glitched on camera and totally froze up? When he saw the Grim Reaper? And his life flashed before his eyes? And he had to ponder in the infinite nothingness all the evil things he’d done in his life?
Remember that? We actually all got to watch Mitch’s brain die on camera. This was TWO YEARS AGO:
Jesus and I reviewed the ambulance footage at the end of The God Show yesterday.
They didn’t have any sense of urgency.
It was almost like they were wheeling out a dead guy.
Now as you might expect, Mitch has previously been fast-tracked for Hell.
But it just so happens the Demon tasked with his soul is on vacation all this month down in Cabo St. Lucas.
I looked through Hell, Limbo, and Heaven and couldn’t find Mitch’s wretched soul.
So I checked with Lady Death, and she said he’s only mostly dead. 💀
We then got into a long argument about what qualifies as “mostly” dead.
Because I’m pretty sure Mitch qualifies as “all” dead. I pointed out that:
He’s never going to vote in the Senate again.
He’s never getting out of his hospital bed.
He’s never going home again.
He’s never going to speak to a camera again.
He’s never going to speak again.
But ya know, Lady Death is a real stickler for these things.
I don’t care what she says, I’m pretty sure Mitch is dead, OK? ☠️
Why can’t we see him if he’s not dead?
If they could’ve had him speak to a camera, they would’ve by now.
FORSOOTH, that mofo dead.
2. An Important Message From God
The Republican Party is a dying movement using their own corpses to desperately cling to their last scraps of power.
We’re going to defeat them.
They’re dying and have no ideas. We’re full of life and have wonderful ideas.
The good people of this world are going to win this war for the soul of humanity.
Don’t give up. Keep going.
We will still be here long after these fascist creeps are dead and gone.
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Now let’s make it impossible to ignore.
Love,
God
I was an EMT for 25 years. I have never seen such a relaxed response to a "dying" person, allegedly in cardiac arrest. It’s entirely possible, maybe likely, that he’s brain dead, but his body hasn’t figured it out yet. And I find the phrase "rigor tortoise" absolutely uproarious.
He won’t be missed .