Dear Human,
Yesterday’s state funeral for Jimmy Carter wasn’t just a solemn occasion—it was a masterclass in Donold’s ability to humiliate himself. Let’s break it down.
1. He Couldn’t Stop Whispering To Obama
Seating arrangements dictated by presidential order mean Barack Obama always gets the honor of sitting next to this lunatic. This photo of Obama laughing has sparked many theories, but let me clear it up for you: He’s laughing at him. To his face.
Because I am God, I was listening. This is how it went down:
And let’s take a moment to admire Donold’s pathetic beta lean. Is he trying to get a kiss?
2. George W. Bush Avoided Donold Like The Plague
As if to escape the vortex of idiocy, war criminal George W. Bush jogged past Donold and playfully bro-smacked Obama’s belly. Was it a thank-you for taking one for the team? Or is W. just thrilled that he’s no longer the most hated president in the room? Either way, he sucks too.
3. Karen Pence Snubs Donold
Mike Pence, ever the faithful lapdog, shook Donold’s hand for the cameras. But Karen Pence? Oh no. She refused to stand, refused to look at him, and generally acted like Donold was a radioactive pile of garbage, delivering the coldest snub since Lot’s wife turned to salt.
Hahaha! Bless this photographer! SMITE!
4. God’s Final Thoughts
What can we learn from this comedy of errors? That respect cannot be demanded by a whining toddler. Respect is earned, and Donold has none. He desperately wants people to fear him. They don’t.
Speaking of which, I am sending my love and support to everyone in Canada who is worried about a US invasion. It will never happen, but if it did, God is on your side.
Behold this act of heroism! Thank you, Canada! We are with you!
5. Join The Rebellion
Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump, a man who literally wants to take over the world, is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every network and billionaire seems to be bending the knee to his fascist ambitions.
We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.
"I love your commentary. It is reality.” - Joyce
So if you’ve enjoyed today’s righteous reckoning, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Upgrade your subscription today at 20% off before the sale ends tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.
Click here to claim your blessing and keep the smites coming.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God:
I love it that Bozo was completely cut out of that group photo! Great smite, God!
Thank you for the shout out to Canada. I actually cried yesterday because I was sad for the wildlife in the fire and felt very disrespected as a canadian by trump and some fox news guy basically telling Doug Ford (premier of Ontario) that he is insulted that we don't want to be American...cause why wouldn't we. And he mocked Doug by saying "premier" in a nasty sneery way. We are Canadian and we love being Canadian just as Americans love being American. It all finally got to me in my feels. So thank you for your love.