Dear Humans,
Lo, the world gathered to mourn a man of peace. And once again, Donald Trump found a way to humiliate himself in front of millions.
1. Dunce Wears Bright Blue to The Pope’s Funeral
Stupid antichrist showed up to Pope Francis’ funeral in a bright blue suit.
Everyone else wore black, like normal humans.
While kings and commoners alike dressed in mourning black, Trump looked ready for a car dealership opening.
2. Donold Fell Asleep During Mass
True to form, Donold soon fell asleep.
Slumped in his chair, mouth agape, dreaming of golden toilets whilst filling his diaper, everyone else somehow knew how to properly pay their respects to Pope Francis at his funeral and not, you know, fall the fuck asleep.
3. Total Prick Bullies Ukraine at Pope’s Funeral
While the rest of the world was praying, Trump was doing what he does best:
Scheming for money. Reports say he was trying to pressure Zelenskyy into taking his shady minerals deal at the funeral.
Classy, bro. Real classy.
4. God’s Final Word
Take heart, thou weary souls. For someday, other presidents will attend Donold’s funeral. What color suits will they wear? I bet black.
Because who wears blue to a funeral?
No one, that’s who.
Unless it’s Trump’s funeral.
God will be there in an all-white tux, hammered drunk, ready to sing karaoke.
The Lord hath spoken.
5. Join God's Rebellion
In just a few months, we’ve grown from 73,000 to 133,000 subscribers. That’s 60,000 new wonderful angels who refuse to stay silent. Every day, more people are joining this rebellion.
"Heather Cox Richardson quoted you the other day, so I know God is for real! Yay, God! " - Caiside
"We the people are pissed and God's words are what we need, and have always needed, in these dire times. We must stand together, or hang separately." - Dave
Thank you, good humans! If you haven’t joined yet, help us fucking fight these bastards! In honor of THE FALL OF THE MAD KING DONOLD, Letters from God is offering a 20% discount for paid subscribers (ends tonight):
Stay awesome,
God
Thank the Lord we've had the likes of Biden and Obama (with their incredible, non-store-bought wives!) represent us in the past - so the world knows SOME of us are DECENT!🙄🙏
Reminds me of Cher’s line in Moonstruck: Someday you’ll drop dead and I’ll come to your funeral in a red dress.