Dear Humans,
Lo, it’s Monday night. The day is long, the world’s still insane, but your inbox is safe because God is here with you. Free readers, I love you. Paid readers, I love you and thank you for keeping this newsletter alive and smiting.
Today President Pedophile said the quiet part out loud again. Sitting behind his desk to hide his cankles in the Oval Office, he told the country:
“Maybe we’d like a dictator. I don’t know. I’m not a dictator. I’m a man with great common sense. I’m a smart person.
It’s true the MAGA Republicans would like a dictator. They have made that very clear, because they’re fucking fascists. But everything else Donald says here is a lie.
“I’m not a dictator.” Yes you are.
“I’m a man with great common sense.” The complete opposite of the truth.
“I’m a smart person.” Please stop, you’re going to make God die laughing.
Thankfully, not everyone’s bowing. Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker didn’t mince words. He called Trump a “wannabe dictator” and blasted his plan to send troops into Chicago as unconstitutional political intimidation. Pritzker said what everyone knows: this has absolutely nothing to do with crime or safety and everything to do with fear.
Would you like a dictator? God for one, hates all dickhead dictators. They can all burn in Hell.
Thou shalt not let this racist fascist rapist pedophile become a dictator!! Thou shalt spit in the face of tyranny!
Can God get an amen?!
Sincerely,
God
P.S. If you want this divine newsletter to keep mocking lies and telling the truth, subscribe or upgrade today.
Governor Wes Moore offered to take Trump on a walking tour of Baltimore to discuss crime, before he spends $1 million a day to send in the National Guard. When Trump responded in his usual fashion, Moore cordially added that his staff could provide him with a golf cart. A Rhodes Scholar, investment banker, and decorated veteran, the governor’s politely insolent handling of the man he addressed as “President Bone Spurs” deserves God’s blessing and encouragement.
We’re saying HELL no.
Yes, and God, please have Satan take the orange thing back as soon as possible.
🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬