Bless Canada For Breaking Trump's Brain All Weekend Long

They’re doing the Lord’s work.

Dear Humans,

Oh, Canada! Thou hast truly broken Trump’s brain. It’s glorious! 😂

Canada simply aired one 30-second ad using Ronald Reagan’s wise words against tariffs, and Trump has been crashing out on main ever since.

GOD BLESS CANADA! Truly, the Lord works in mysterious and hilarious ways.

1. Ten Percent Tantrum

It all began when Ontario aired an ad during the World Series quoting Reagan warning that tariffs always backfire.

Well, President Dickhead saw it and lost his damn mind. This weekend he got so mad he announced a ten percent tariff increase on Canada.

Um, as if Canada cares? They’re making deals with countries all over the world. They have friends everywhere.

Donald’s MAGA farmers can’t even sell their own soybeans or cattle, but Donald is giving $40 billion to Argentina to bail them out.

Oh and also, he’s going to force MAGA to eat Argentinian beef against their will, because it’s not labeled. Tomi Lahren has already lost her mind over this point. HAHAHA! 😂

So to recap: Reagan warned tariffs would cause retaliation and pain. Trump retaliated and caused pain. A prophecy fulfilled instantly.

Everything this monster says is a lie.

Well, Trump’s a bitch, he’s a big fat bitch
He’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
He’s a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
He’s a bitch to all the boys and girls!
Monday he’s a bitch, on Tuesday he’s a bitch
And Wednesday through Saturday he’s a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different
He’s a super King Kong mega mega bee-yotch!

2. Mr. Fake Everything Whines About Fake

Early Monday morning, Trump was still spiraling. At four in the morning, he posted this masterpiece of madness to Lies Social:

“After winning THREE Elections, BY A LOT, I am now getting the best Polling Numbers that I have ever received. People see how strong the Economy is, the Trillions of Dollars of Investment pouring into our Country, the Record Setting Strong Border... [etc.]”

Real winners don’t have to constantly console themselves, Donold.

Also, by the way, who the hell is HE to complain about ANYTHING being fake?

He posts A.I. videos all the time.

Just last weekend he posted one of himself flying a fighter jet to shit all over Americans. Surely, God can’t be the only one seeing this?!?

I am telling you, humans. Every word out of this man’s mouth is a Me-damned lie.He is history’s most prolific liar!!!

Here, I’ll prove it to you. If we simply replace every word in that post with its polar opposite, we arrive at the truth:

After losing THREE elections, BY A LOT, I am now getting the worst polling numbers I’ve ever received. People see how weak the economy is, the trillions of dollars fleeing our country, the record-breaking collapse of the border (after years of families seeking safety being welcomed and given refuge, totally humanely and checked!), starting 8 new conflicts in eight months, banning women from sports, forcing trans people out of public life, skyrocketing energy prices, and much more!

Despite all of this, the Radical Left Winners are taking real ads, showing REAL polls, and accurately saying that I’m polling at record lows. These are the people that I’ve been losing to for years, and continue to do so, now by even bigger margins.

These ads should be required to run, because they’re TRUE!

-Bizarro Trump

3. God Bless Canada! (Again)

Trump’s fragile ego will cost Americans fifty billion dollars, assuming he doesn’t chicken out again. And he always chickens out.

Canada, meanwhile, is calm, collected, and quietly thriving. Canada has her groove back and is living her best life.

Bless Canada for using Ronald Reagan’s words against President Asshole.

You’re telling the truth and he hates it.

Keep giving him hell!

Bless Canada for showing the world how it’s done!

4. Your Daily Reviews Of God Are In:

When new paid subscribers sign up, they leave the kindest messages explaining why they supported me.

The following fresh reviews came in yesterday. These always make My day. Thank you for reading, laughing, and being the best part of this community.

---

• “You are God and you are right.” - Jennifer Z

• “I never miss 2:00. Best laughs ever!! You guys are great.” - Diane K

• “I love the work God is doing and would have subscribed sooner if my budget would allow. The current discount is what got the deed done. Thank you, God, for your words, your wisdom, and speaking truth to those idiots who are, temporarily, in charge.” — David C

---

As a thanks for reading all the way to the end, take 20% off forever.

Unlock the full archives. Join the community. Claim thy blessing here:

Now go forth and cause some righteous trouble.

Love,

God