WASHINGTON D.C. - President Joe Biden took to the podium today to address the elephant in the room—his age.
“Sure, I’m old,” Biden began, drawing a chuckle from the gathered press. “But let’s put things in perspective here. At least I’m not a criminal and completely batshit insane.”
The comment drew a mix of laughter and applause, a moment of levity in an otherwise tense political climate. Biden’s remark was a clear reference to former President Donald Trump, who, despite being only a few years younger, has been convicted of 34 felonies and is, by any reasonable measure, a raving lunatic.
Biden continued, “Look, I know people are concerned about my age. But the main thing to remember is he’s a convicted felon and clearly out of his goddamn mind.”
The President’s remarks come at a time when the media and public discourse have been heavily focused on the age of the nation’s leaders. Biden, at 81, is the oldest sitting president in U.S. history, a fact that has not gone unnoticed by critics and pundits alike.
Biden leaned in and let loose. “Let’s be real here. I may be old, but at least I’m not stark raving mad. I’m not out here spouting bullshit conspiracy theories or committing crimes left and right. I’m just trying to do my damn job and keep this country from falling apart.”
Despite numerous hit pieces from the Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, and The Washington Post attacking his age, President Biden’s message was clear: sanity and a clean legal slate should count for something.
“Again, I may be old,” Biden concluded, “but have you seen the other guy? He’s a convicted felon and he’s clearly fucking batshit insane. Batshit! You’re gonna let him control the nukes? What are you, fucking nuts?”
As the nation continues to navigate its complex political landscape, one thing is certain: absolutely no one should vote for Donald Trump unless they don’t care about things like integrity and sanity.
Note: This article is satire and not a real news story, but wouldn't it be great if it were?Do you think this level of honesty is what we need in politics? Should Biden curse more? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Here is how social media works: Your data is taken and sold to the highest bidder. Creators like myself are forced to dance around their ever changing algorithms just to stay alive. We are hunted by their buggy AI moderation and live in constant fear. We are not allowed to speak our minds. We are censored for making jokes and speaking truth to power. We all deserve better.
Here is how this newsletter works: We never collect or sell any personal information about you. We do not have advertisements, ensuring a seamless reading experience. We work hard to craft world-class satire and entertainment for you. And we deliver it directly to your inbox.
The God Pod is available for free, but it only exists because of readers like you who upgrade to a paid subscription. For the price of one bag of edibles, you gain community, connection, and support comedy that is fighting back against fascist pricks.
Subscribe now
If upgrading to the paid version of this newsletter ($6/month or $60/year) would create a financial burden for you, please stay on this free list. But, if you can afford it, consider upgrading now.
I’m thoroughly disappointed that this is satire because I would LOVE President Biden to say this publicly.
I dont think Biden needs to curse more, but he could make the same points in a genteel, understated way. Obama is really good at this.