Your Reviews Are In!

And I'm crying.

Dear Humans,

I thought it would be nice to take a break from the politics and smiting and talk about someone I love…namely, you.

When someone becomes a paid subscriber, they have the option to send me a message. Because no troll will ever give me money, these messages are ALWAYS positive. So I always read them.

Here are some of my favorites from the last month or so:

• "In dark times, we benefit from building community. God's writing is inspirational and funny, and after all in times of darkness we also need dark humor. God has insights; why not get the true intention of God's word, unfiltered by religious pretenders, straight from the deity's mouth. Or keyboard. Whatever. The rise of fascism can happen here...duh, and we need a smiting or two to help out." - pshopper

• "I'm an atheist who was raised Catholic, so your blasphemous posts sometime make me squirm - damned Catholic guilt. But I'm also a liberal activist fighting for equal rights, and you always make me laugh! Thank you!" - Mary

• "I supported your work because your work is delicious & I love God ❤️. She's fantastic & my life saver xo" - Beth

• "We need thinkers !" - Claudia

• "Hello God :) I joined as a free subscriber not too long ago and just upgraded to paid. I look forward to your posts ... and Jesus is so cool too! Seriously though, your perspective on our current political situation is full of truth. I appreciate your insights and commentary, and you make me laugh. Thank you for your good work for us all. America needs God more than ever now." - Elizabeth

Thank you so much! Sometimes there is so much love in this community, it’s overwhelming. It’s hard to fathom that my insane little scribblings could be bringing people so much joy. Sometimes the news makes it hard to stay funny, but your support keeps me going.

I LOVE YOU…and YOU LOVE ME.

SOME THINGS I’M DOING WITH YOUR SUPPORT

Working on an animated pilot! I am currently working with an award-winning, experienced comedy professional and an excellent animator on developing a sitcom pilot. We are dedicated to producing the highest quality show possible. In the past, everything was on my shoulders alone. This kind of drastic improvement in the fate of this venture is only thanks to YOU.

Developing a book! We are developing a book! Some of my ideas include an autobiography, a compilation of Ask God questions, and a re-writing of the Bible with my notes. Let me know what kind of book you’d like to see from this God!

Rebellion! In ways both obvious and mysterious, seen and unseen, The LORD thy God is leading the rebellion against the fascist regime in power in the USA. I shall not rest until these evil forces are vanquished forever.

GROWING! Our flock has grown! We have grown to 75,000 subscribers!

OFFERING DISCOUNTS! If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people love a good deal, which I can totally understand! Your overwhelming support has made it possible for me to offer more discounts.

By upgrading your subscription, you get all our exclusive content that is too R-rated or controversial for mass distribution. By locking posts to paid subs, I am able to keep Donold’s psychotic trolls out of our comments section, ensuring a positive and safe experience for you. WE DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR OBNOXIOUS STUPIDITY ANYMORE!

So anyway, get the discount! For today and tomorrow, you can become a paid subscriber at a 20% discount. Just click here to claim your December Defense of Democracy Special and support God. Don’t miss out on this divine deal and unlock all our exclusive content!

In closing, all jokes aside, I have suffered, and I have suffered at the hands of Zuckerberg and Musk for years now. You FREED me. Do you know what that means? It means I’m in your debt forever, that’s how that works.

My life has been changed for the better, because of YOU.

I. LOVE. YOU.

“God”

Can I get a frigging amen?

HERE IT IS, ME RIGHT NOW

“Sometimes the people we save, well they save us right back.”