How To Win Again

God knows.

Dear Humans,

Buckle up, humans, for I hath much to say, and thou shalt listen.

It’s time to let God cook.

Listen, what hath transpired this week is deeply fucked up. That people could willingly choose that evil motherfucker is just insane.

God is not gonna Monday Morning QB why we lost. The campaign did the best they could. They left it all on the field. We fell in love with Kamala and Tim. We will always love them.

MAYBE I’M THE PROBLEM, AMERICA

Idiot America though? Did they even know their names? Jimmy Kimmel’s team interviewed random Americans on Wednesday, November 6. They found many people who thought that WEDNESDAY was Election Day. Some even thought Joe Biden was still running.

Now I know how easy it is to watch that and think, wow, those people are fucking stupid and uninformed. But they seemed well-meaning. Many loved Kamala and wanted to vote for her. There are lot of people in the world who just don’t have their shit together.

And from an extremely forgiving point of view, can you blame them?

MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED

For whatever reason, they’re just not getting the messaging. Modern Americans are besieged by content. Whether that be text messages, YouTube videos, notifications on their phones, or emails from God. And if that’s not enough, at the end of the day, they get to reward themselves with more screen time…but on a bigger screen.

All this media has the effect of numbing your brain. Humans are not meant for this much stimulation.

You see, any ass-hat can make content…and they do! They post it for free.

29% of American children want to grow up to become YouTube stars. Like never before, there’s no business like show business. Everything about it is appealing.

LEGACY MEDIA IS OVER

All this to say, the battle for eye-balls has never been more intense. Legacy and corporate media are deader than dead.

Cable news?! Only senior citizens like God still watch those. Podcasts and YouTube stars dominate the media landscape. This is why Russia bribed several right wing youtubers to spread their talking points. Remember Operation Doppelgänger?

New media dominates the landscape. Old media is dead. Major YouTube and Twitch stars routinely get more views than CNN and MSNBC.

This harkens back to the famous shift in media seen when JFK debated Richard Nixon. People listening on radio thought Nixon won, people watching on TV thought JFK won. Because JFK was a snack and Nixon was ugly as fuck.

HOW TO WIN

1. STOP HIRING MORON POLITICAL CONSULTANTS - In almost any other area of life, when people do a bad job, they are fired. But lo, in the land of politics, none shall be held accountable, even when they have failed most grievously. The political consultant class gets paid millions of dollars. Every election, the same 5 people come up with ideas like “hey let’s spend a month trying to win over Republican voters” (which didn’t and never will work) because some focus group told them they “want bipartisanship.” But focus groups are deeply flawed because people don’t tell the truth, they just say what they think they’re supposed to say. We must stop using stupid things like that and use our fucking brains. Stop fighting the last war. Stop playing by the rules of 30-60 years ago. The invisible rules of decorum? No one gives a shit anymore.

2. TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE - Old school politicking involved having perfectly crafted statements that would be read by a well-coifed news anchor on the nightly broadcast with much gravitas. It was very serious and stuffy. That is not where people are these days. 54% of Americans read below a sixth-grade level. They literally cannot understand when a policy wonk is speaking. These people must be reached. Kamala and Tim did everything they could to do this and reach these people, but with only 3 months, ran out of time.

3. VOLUME GAME - From a purely content creator view, in order to succeed in the new digital media landscape, you need to constantly be throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. God has been doing this forever. I post a lot of things on social media. Not all of them are going to work. But because God is a super genious, there will be winners. You re-use those as much as you want later. Better to have someone think you an idiot than not even know who you are. I say unto thee, stop trying to be perfect and saturate the market with YOU.

4. BECOME A MEME - Tim Walz should have a Twitch channel that he plays videogames on every fucking night. It would be the biggest account on Twitch in no time and bring in millions. I would drown the whole world just to watch him hunt Nazis in Sniper Elite 6. The point is, suck up attention for your side, however you can.

5. STOP DESTROYING EACH OTHER FOR NO REASON - Liberals and leftists on social media apps like to fight each other. A lot. These are not polite or fruitful conversations. They are the same talking points in an endless repeat of abuse, without thought or nuance. People don’t read. They don’t contemplate. They are too angry for that. Breathe. Be good to each other. We are all we got.

6. STOP DESTROYING ME FOR NO REASON - Yesterday, in a post titled “How are you feeling?” I started a post describing my feelings with how it happened to be our 6 month birthday on Substack. I celebrate this milestone every month. But the post wasn’t about that. Just something I mentioned to try and find any reason to keep existing. And yet it earned me this comment:

   

   You’re going to cancel the LORD THY GOD…for that? With friends like these, who needs enemies?

7. SUPPORT INDEPENDENT LEFTIST MEDIA - This is going to sound self-serving, and maybe it is I don’t care, but support leftist content creators. The right supports their creators. Their cult-like devotion to their podcast bros turn them into such giant stars that they helped swing the damn election. But I’m out here, getting attacked by my own flock for daring to celebrate my continued existence.

He calls us the enemy within. He wants to kill us.

The people who speak out against fascist dictators like Donold Trump are literally risking their fucking lives.

For their families.

For their country.

And for you.

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