Trump Melts Down Over Pathetic July 4 Crowd Size

Thou shalt not lie.

Dear Humans,

HOLY MOLY! Donald Trump crashed the hell out yesterday when he saw pictures and video of just how empty the crowd was for his big July 4 speech. He also threw the fireworks company under the bus, made the most ironic post of all time, and still found time to ruin the World Cup.

And all because I sent a little lightning.

Before we begin, bless the little heart on this post so the Epstein class billionaires accidentally show it to many more people.

And if this newsletter makes you laugh, join today as a paid subscriber and help keep the #1 Humor publication on Substack independent, growing, and fighting back hard. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

1. Trump Melts Down Over Pathetic July 4 Crowd Size

President Senile Pedophile starts out with the oddly specific 422,000 people in the first sentence, a gigantic lie. This makes his claim of 150,000 seem less crazy later down, but in reality, both numbers are nowhere near reality.

There were about 5,000-6,000 people at most.

Here’s a real photo from the event.

Lots of empty seats, Sleepy Donald.

2. Trump Throws Fireworks Company Under The Bus

Many people are saying that the fireworks looked cheap as hell.

Many other people are saying the reason the fireworks were so red is because it’s the cheapest kind of firework to make.

For some strange reason, Donald chose to name the fireworks company himself. As prophesied, the company behind it has a name about as funny as Greenwater Services.

It’s called Pyrotecnico.

3. Trump Rigs The World Cup

Trump also pissed off the entire world. He called the head of FIFA to get Team USA’s best player unsuspended. This is unprecedented and outrageous.

ALSO worth noting that Donald just helped a birthright citizen play soccer for the USA. He wants to exploit the young man’s accomplishments. Donald does this at a time when he’s also trying to end birthright citizenship in the USA. If Donald had his way, Folarin Balogun would not be a US citizen.

4. Trump Makes Most Ironic Post Ever

If all that wasn’t enough, he made the most ironic post ever. He posted a meme that just says:

“IF NO ONE GOES TO JAIL FOR ELECTION FRAUD, WHAT INCENTIVE IS THERE NOT TO CHEAT.”

Amen, Donald. You should’ve been put in prison a long time ago.

5. An Important Message From God

Donald Trump is trying to steal the country in broad daylight and then pretend the country belongs to him.

It does not.

The country does not belong to Donald Trump.

It belongs to us.

Not the Nazis on the Metro.

Not the billionaires sanewashing him.

Not the freaks trying to turn July 4 into a fascist pep rally.

Us.

We have to defeat these fascist criminals.

And we will.

I believe we shall win in the end.

I have to believe.

And if you’re still here with God now, you believe too.

Because they cannot win.

6. Join the Rebellion

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That didn’t happen because billionaires helped us.

It happened because humans like you keep showing up.

Paid subscribers are the reason we can keep writing letters, making videos, doing live shows, building cartoons, and telling the truth while the billionaire media pretends Confederate Nazis on the Metro are just another normal day in America.

This is how we keep growing.

This is how we keep fighting.

So if this post made you laugh, made you feel less alone, or reminded you that these people are not invincible, join our community today as a paid subscriber.

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Now let’s make it impossible to ignore.

Love,

God