Dear Humans,
Welcome back to The United States of Schadenfreude.
On today’s episode: MAGA bobble-head Tomi Lahren is freaking out over Trump’s plan to put Argentina first.
SMITE!
1. Tomi FAFO
First she posted:
“Why the actual FUCK would we buy Argentinian beef? Our AMERICAN ranchers are getting crushed already by cheap shit foreign beef imports! This is an OUTRAGE!”
WHOA WHOA WHOA! Whoa, Tomi! You sound like a “woke radical commie antifa left-tits.”
2. No Shit, Sherlock
Hours later, Tomi doubled down, declaring:
“We’ve been flooding the market with cheap foreign beef for a decade… You ran all the ranchers out of business!”
Exactly! What dumbass has been supporting all the Republicans who do all this mindless deregulation for the last ten years?
Oh right, it was you.
3. Where’s The Beef?
And then came the final sermon:
“The answer to lowering beef prices is not to flood the market with cheap shit from Argentina. This is a complete betrayal of the American cattlemen.”
Yeah, why does Donald love Argentina so much? Is it because the Trump family will need a place to flee to someday?
Notice that she never mentions that it’s Trump who’s making the deal. The same man she built her entire brand defending.
4. God’s Final Word
Thou shalt wake up, Tomi! Who is responsible for China not buying anything from the USA? Who decides to give $40 billion to Argentina? Who is asking you to buy Argentina’s beef while Americans can’t sell theirs?
Say it. Say the word!
TRUMP! IT’S TRUMP’S FAULT!
Tomi, you can rant about the situation till the cows come home, but your chickens have come home to roost, there are frogs are in the streets and leopards are eating your face.
And Tomi, you wanna know the saddest part? You’re not even the only blonde MAGA bimbot to crash out this week!
Maybe the Rapture is near.
5. Join The Rebellion
Trump is a fascist dictator. Fascism isn’t coming. It’s already here. I would rather die trying to take them down than give them what they want.
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Love,
God
When Joe Biden was in the White House, it was still there. Nobody needed a GoFundMe to buy Cheerios and ground beef. No Argentinian hoof-and-mouth burgers, either. Tomi big mad. Armerican cattle ranchers instructed to be more grateful to Trump as he bails out bro. Livid Tomi never mentions his name after first salvo. Old habits die hard for cult members.
I think FAFO is the best acronym ever. I also think this is what it’s going to take to save our country. Enough people who voted for Trump to realize that what they were sold was not what they bought.