Dear Humans,
I hope you had a relatively relaxing weekend, even though the president tried to ruin it. Thank you for being here. You’re the reason God’s newsletter still exists. If you’re not already a member, please consider joining today as a paid subscriber.
Lo, as you have no doubt heard by now, on Easter Sunday, Deranged Donald dropped F-bombs, threatened war crimes, and praised Allah.
This shit is crazy and American society is still reeling. This is real.
He wakes up on Easter morning and posts the F-bomb and war crimes?
How dare these people call themselves followers of Christ?
Imagine their outrage if any Democrat ever posted this insanity?
How dare he ever call anyone else deranged?
When I showed him that tweet, Jesus wept. But thankfully, the rest of the world was just as aghast as God and Jesus.
MAGA was very confused when Donald praised Allah.
HARK! As I keep repeating, Donald will not win this conflict.
The Strait of Hormuz shall prove to be his Waterloo.
Let’s review the timeline.
TIMELINE OF OPERATION EPSTEIN DISTRACTION
Mar 3: “We won the war.”
Mar 7: “We defeated Iran.”
Mar 9: “We must attack Iran.”
Mar 9: “The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully.”
Mar 11: “You never like to say too early you won. We won. In the first hour it was over.”
Mar 12: “We did win, but we haven’t won completely yet.”
Mar 13: “We won the war.”
Mar 14: “Please help us.”
Mar 15: “If you don’t help us, I will certainly remember it.”
Mar 16: “Actually, we don’t need any help at all.”
Mar 16: “I was just testing to see who’s listening to me.”
Mar 16: “If NATO doesn’t help, they will suffer something very bad.”
Mar 17: “We neither need nor want NATO’s help.”
Mar 17: “I don’t need Congressional approval to withdraw from NATO.”
Mar 18: “Our allies must cooperate in reopening the Strait of Hormuz.”
Mar 19: “US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz.”
Mar 20: “NATO are cowards.”
Mar 21: “The Strait of Hormuz must be protected by the countries that use it. We don’t use it, we don’t need to open it.”
Mar 22: “This is the last time. I will give Iran 48 hours. Open the strait”
Mar 22: “Iran is Dead”
Mar 23: “We had very good and productive talks with Iran.”
Mar 24: “We’re making progress.”
Mar 25: “They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.”
Mar 26: “Make a deal, or we’ll just keep blowing them away.”
Mar 27: “We don’t have to be there for NATO.”
Mar 28: No major quote
Mar 29: Claimed talks were progressing
Mar 30: “Open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, or face devastating consequences.”
Mar 31: Claimed a deal was “very close” and that Iran would “do the right thing”
Apr 1: “We’ll see what happens very soon.”
Apr 2: Repeated that a deal was likely, while warning of continued strikes if not
Apr 3: “Something big is going to happen.”
Apr 4: Said Iran must comply “immediately” or face further consequences.
Apr 5: “Open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.”
Not so coincidentally, the White House spent all of Saturday furiously denying that Trump is having any health issues.
He hasn’t been seen in days, and he didn’t attend church on Easter.
Perhaps Donald didn’t want everyone to spend the day talking about his declining health. So he posted a bunch of super crazy shit. And it worked.
What’s worse, the media took pains to sanitize what he said. They chose to focus on the Tuesday deadline, and none of the brazen insanity.
By the way, this is how President Obama spent Easter. This is how it’s done.
Remember what it was like to have a president who had character and decency? And was intelligent? And not totally batshit insane?
God remembers.
God still believes that better things are possible.
Don’t give up the fight, humans.
Remember this; try.
Love,
God
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SMITE HIM NOW !!
Dear God, how about plagues on orange offal and his minions.🙏🏼I solemnly pray.🙏🏼