WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Supreme Court unveiled its new facade today, complete with a giant, golden "TRUMP" sign emblazoned across the top. This comes as the justices continue to delay their decision on whether a former president can be immune from prosecution for inciting an insurrection to overturn an election – a question that any reasonable person would answer with a resounding "no."
"Justice takes time," Chief Justice John Roberts was overheard saying, smirking as he sipped fine champagne in the shadow of the new Trump sign. "We can take as much time as we want. It’s not like you can do anything to stop us."
For months, the Supreme Court has dragged its feet on this critical issue, raising suspicions of intentional delay tactics to benefit Trump's re-election campaign. Critics argue that the conservative justices, who hold a majority, are, in their legal opinion, "corrupt as hell" and have been completely bought and paid for by conservative billionaires.
Adding to the controversy, reports have surfaced that the conservative justices have been receiving outlandish bribes in exchange for their loyalty. Sources claim these bribes include lifetime supplies of Trump Steaks, exclusive memberships to Mar-a-Lago, unlimited access to Trump’s private golf courses, and even custom-built vacation mansions.
"What's a little delay when you have unlimited golf at Mar-a-Lago?" Amy Coney Barrett mused, lounging on a gold-plated chaise and puffing on a Cuban cigar. "These decisions are quite stressful, after all. A little luxury helps clear the mind."
Clarence Thomas, indulging in a lavish spread of gourmet foods, chuckled, "Why rush? This caviar isn't going to eat itself, and neither are these Trump Steaks! Plus, my new yacht needs breaking in. It even has a Trump Tower replica onboard!"
Neil Gorsuch, sporting a custom-tailored suit with a Trump logo, added, "I’ve always thought justice should have a touch of class. This new attire really helps me think clearer. And the private jets don’t hurt either. It's amazing what a little high-altitude reflection can do."
But not every justice cost so much to bribe.
Samuel Alito, draped in new, elaborate QAnon-branded flags, remarked, "These new flags are so beautiful, I can’t wait to give them to my wife. They’re gonna look fantastic outside my home. Plus, the gold stitching is just exquisite."
Brett Kavanaugh, clinking glasses of Budweiser, exclaimed, "I like beer! They give me beer. I drink the beer. And now my fridge is stocked for life. What’s not to love?"
As the nation watches in disbelief, the Supreme Court's rebranding with the Trump logo stands as a stark symbol of the deep-seated corruption that plagues the judicial system. Whether justice will prevail or be further delayed remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the integrity of the Supreme Court has been severely compromised.
Disclaimer: This is satire, folks. Or is it?
Engagement Question: If the Supreme Court were a TV show, what would it be called?
Does that mean if Trump loses his appeals in NY for the bank fraud and sexual assault cases that the AGs office can foreclose on the Supreme Court?
The show would be called The Price Was Right.