Dear Humans,
Lo, the techno-king hath thrown a fit. After a report claimed Tesla’s board might replace Elon Musk, he did what he always does when faced with accountability: he publicly lost his mind.
1. The WSJ Smites Musk
Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal reported that Tesla’s board might be exploring replacements for Elon Musk as CEO. The reasons? Oh, just a casual 71% collapse in quarterly profit, factory shutdowns, political controversy, and Elon spending more time tweeting at libs than running the company.
Oh, and let us never forget that Elon Musk eagerly gave the Hitler Nazi salute TWICE at the inauguration. Also, did I mention the 71% collapse in profit?
2. Musk Melts Down
In response, Musk did what all stable geniuses do: he fired up Twitter and screamed at journalists.
“It is an EXTREMELY BAD BREACH OF ETHICS,” he wailed,
“that the @WSJ would publish a DELIBERATELY FALSE ARTICLE!”
He even claimed the Journal ignored a denial from the board, as if that proves the board wasn’t secretly trying to muzzle their rampaging man-baby.
You can be sure that the story was true over how much Elon is losing his mind over it.
Grimes never loved you, Elon. And you will die alone. Was that mean-spirited? Or was it just the truth?
3. God’s Final Word
Elon Musk is a ketamine-fueled moron who won’t stop until every company he owns is destroyed. Every country he’s in gets worse.
Thou shalt fire Elon Musk for his many stupidities and insanities. Thou shalt deport him and his whole evil family back to South Africa.
The Lord hath spoken.
Love,
God
P.S. The right has Fox News and fascist podcasts. We have this.
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Musk spends most of his time strung out on Ketamine, DJT snorts Adderal, RFK promotes heroin because it made him so sharp and Hegseth is a drunk. What could go wrong?
He's a man child. How on Earth did we wind up with so many of these things?