Dearest Human,
While most Americans celebrated Christmas yesterday with their loved ones, Elon Musk and Donald Trump couldn’t hide their misery, loneliness and rage. Both took to social media to express their pain. I present it now to you, for your enjoyment. Let us begin.
1. Merry Christmas In Hell
Nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like publicly wishing your enemies to burn in hell. I shit you not, on Christmas Day last year, Trump posted:
"Merry Christmas to all, including Crooked Joe Biden's ONLY HOPE, Deranged Jack Smith…MAY THEY ROT IN HELL!"
And this year he told a bunch more people to “go to hell.” (second post in gallery above).
For someone who just got everything they wanted, he sure is angry and sad. Being criminally insane and evil is clearly its own punishment.
Anyone who is so miserable they post this kind of endless, furious rant on Christmas day (of all days), every single year, has absolutely no life. Donold clearly has no one in his life who loves him…which makes a lot of sense, because he sucks.
This is how he’s spent every Christmas; crying and whining like the spoiled, unloved brat he’s always been. His behavior is what happens when misery takes over. I suppose I should mention that he also is threatening to take over Canada, the Panama Canal, and Greenland. The USA has become a combination of the movies Idiocracy and South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.
By the way, how dare Donold condemn anyone to hell? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. After everything he’s said and done, if ANY person still alive deserves to burn in hell for all eternity, it’s Donald fucking Trump.
2. Elonely Musk
And then there’s Elon Musk, the richest man on the planet, who clearly spent Christmas Day alone. Here he is responding to a tweet about being alone by saying he’s dealing with it by listening to a four-hour podcast on Alexander the Great.
With 12 children and billions of dollars at his disposal, one might expect a bit of joy or even human connection from someone. But no, President Musk’s gift to the world was proving that you really can’t buy love.
His ex-wives all got the kids for Christmas. Even Donald was able to use the excuse of Christmas to get a day off. He might be the richest man in the world, but when it comes to being loved by his family, Elon is bankrupt.
3. Misery Loves Cruelty
It’s honestly so sad, a merciful soul might even be moved to feel a little sympathy for these miserable men at Christmas. But you shalt not. These are evil men who just got $126 million for childhood cancer research stripped from a government funding bill just last week. Yes, childhood cancer research. Dickens himself couldn’t have written villains this cruel.
4. A Christmas Lesson They’ll Never Learn
This Christmas, Elon Musk and Donald Trump reminded the world that their wealth and power mean nothing when their hearts are empty and their souls are cold. Even Ebenezer Scrooge managed a redemption arc, but these two? Their future is a horror story, written by their crimes.
5. The True Meaning of Christmas
Now, if thou seeketh a true Christmas tradition, let Me recommend Monty Python’s Life of Brian. It’s a yearly tradition for Me and Jesus—one that captures the absurdity of humanity’s petty squabbles and misplaced priorities better than anything else. Consider it God-approved holiday viewing.
6. Join The Rebellion
Humanity is at a crossroads. Every network and billionaire seems to be bending the knee to Donold Trump and his fascist ambitions. The man literally wants to take over the world—and he’s coming for all of us who dare to oppose him.
We are risking everything to stand against him and his goons. Your support isn’t just helping us keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for truth, resistance, and survival.
So if you’ve enjoyed today’s righteous reckoning, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Upgrade your subscription today at 20% off before the sale ends tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.
Click here to claim your blessing and keep the smites coming.
Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.
Love,
God
Elon didn't hang out with his equally racist mommy?
Also, the Afghanistan "surrender?" If memory serves me correctly, DonOld was the architect of that falling-down building.