MAGA Begs for Food While Trump Parties Like Gatsby

Trump danced while America starved.

Dear Humans,

Lo, Trump voters are still begging him for food.

“Come on Trump, snap back into shape and get us our SNAP,” one rube wrote.

Snap back into shape? Have they seen him? He looks like a big bag of mashed-up pig dicks infected with COVID and syphilis. This is the shape he’s always been in. He’s a conman. He doesn’t care, and he wants you to know he doesn’t care. He’s always hated the poor.

1. SNAP Back to Reality

Two judges ordered the Trump administration to release the billions they’ve been sitting on for food assistance. 42 million Americans rely on SNAP, but President Epstein decided to “partially” fund it. Apparently, partial means half. Half the money. Half the food.

The White House claims it’s doing “everything possible” to help, which is Gatsby rich coming from the same people who froze the program in the first place. States are warning families that payments could take weeks, while food banks are collapsing under the surge.

He’s trying to spin a court-ordered release of funds into a heroic gesture. He’s starving his own voters. He doesn’t give a damn about them.

2. Trump Danced While America Starved

While MAGA begs for help, President Epstein threw a Great Gatsby-themed bash at Mar-a-Lago.

The party’s motto was “A little party never killed nobody.” It did, actually. Gatsby died alone, unloved, and broke. Two other people died too.

These morons didn’t read the book. They were too busy complaining that Star Trek went woke.

An exotic dancer swirled in a giant champagne glass while Trump swayed to the music, the Nero of Palm Beach. It’s Epstein-a-Lago over there.

The man’s a predator obsessed with youth, and now he’s tired of hiding it. Like all criminals, he wants to flaunt his evil.

3. God’s Final Word

Dear MAGA, you begged your Nazi conman cult leader for food, and instead he threw a lavish party for rich assholes.

You cried for help, and he laughed and drank fine champagne. This is what happens when you worship cruelty. You got exactly what you voted for.

MAGA, I told you this man would destroy everything you love. You laughed and mocked the hungry. Now you are the hungry.

He thinks he’s Gatsby, but Donold McDroopyFace never read the book, because he was too busy pretending to read Mein Kampf.

Gatsby died alone, unloved, and empty. In the end, all those rich scumbags were just “boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

And yes, one day soon, Donald will die and be tossed into the dumpster fire of history, like every dictator before him.

And on that day, God will throw a party so huge it will be legendary even in Heaven.

4. Join the Rebellion

Humanity is at a crossroads. Donold Trump is coming for all of us who dare to oppose him. Every corporate media network, social media app, and billionaire has bent the knee to his fascist ambitions.

We’re risking everything to stand against him and his goons, bringing truth and laughter to the fight. Your support doesn’t just keep this radical leftist network alive—it’s a stand for resistance, survival, and the freedom to call out miserable pricks like him.

• “Dear God, I just subscribed after lurking for free for a while. So in return, please answer my modest prayer, which is this: I have a word. It is ICEHOLES. I’m sure in your omniscience you know exactly who I am talking about. The Word needs to be used far and wide, who better to help with that than the Almighty? Get Jesus to help too. Full disclosure, I’m a casual Buddhist. Hope that’s OK.” - Carl

• “I’ve always enjoyed your FB posts. I HAD to find something uplifting to do to spark a shot of hope through the darkness. This is it! Hallelujah!” — Nancy

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. To celebrate 18 months of smiting ignorance, we’re offering 25% off—but only until midnight tonight. Think of it as an investment in the forces of truth and satire.

Now go forth, spread the memes, and remember: laughter is holy, but fixing the system is divine.

Love,

God