Dear Humans,
Behold, the popcorn overfloweth and the schadenfreude is exquisite. Elon Musk is publicly losing his mind over how much money he’s bleeding from Trump’s tariffs, and now he’s feuding with Peter Navarro, the architect of Donold’s tariff dumpster fire.
1. Trouble in Hell?
It all started when an “Insurrection Barbie” on X attacked Mad King Donold’s Senior Counselor for Trade and Manufacturing, Peter Navarro.
Elon responded to fascist Insurrection Barbie by insulting Donold’s tariffs czar.
UH OH! Trouble in paradise? Err, I mean, trouble in Hell?
2. Elon Has Lost So Much Money It’s Insane
Perhaps Elon has lost a lot of money? Is that…possibly why he’s so mad?
Well, let’s see. Elon lost $11 billion in a single day after Trump’s tariffs were announced. He is estimated to have lost 30.9 billion since Donold’s ‘Liberation Day.’ Donold is liberating Elon from his money.
But wait, there’s more!
Elon Musk has lost over $130 billion so far this year…and growing.
Tesla’s stock has been cut in half. His net worth is in free fall. And it turns out, tariffs aren't great when your business model relies on importing car parts from all over the damn planet.
Honestly, it’s just fun watching these bastards fight, isn’t it?
FIGHT! ME-DAMMIT! FIGHT!
3. They Told Him To Delete It
And then, in a move as cowardly as it is hilarious…Elon deleted the posts. Why? Because Donold called and told him to.
How do I know this happened? Because I’m God, that’s how.
And now? Behold! A death-bed conversion!
4. Elon Finds Out
Suddenly Elon wants zero tariffs.
He spent $277 million to get Trump elected, and now he’s whining because he’s already lost $100 billion this year—and stands to lose a hell of a lot more.
His car company might just get margin-called. And if that happens? He could lose X, too.
Wouldn’t that be deliciously funny? Wouldn’t you just love that?
God works in mysterious ways. Have faith.
5. Party with Us and Lewis Black Today
NOTE: Lewis Black, Daily Show legend and the voice of Anger in Inside Out, will be on the show today from 3pm ET till 3:30pm ET.
6. Your Reviews Of God Are In
Verily, God sucketh at self-promotion, so I’ll let our readers speak for Me.
Here’s what people are saying:
“I support your work because you are willing to talk about what is happening before our eyes with compassion and a well-seasoned sense of the freaking absurdity of it all. You genuinely care.” — Laura
“The angels rejoice in thy Word, Almighty God... especially when you smite the evil overlords who oppress your people.” — Ocampo
“If I didn't get emails from you, I would just be crying instead of laughing and inspired to do my part to spread your good word to Defeat the Donold.” — Charlene
“This makes me laugh when the world feels like it’s crumbling around me.” — Kate
“We the people are pissed and God’s words are what we need. We must stand together, or hang separately.” — Dave
So if you need a sign, let this be it.
Help us fucking fight these fascists:
Thank you for thy reviews, humans.
Your words reach Me. And they keep Me going. Even God needs that sometimes.
Love,
God
Praise be to God and all his children. Except the ones who are behaving so cravenly, selfishly, and maniacally. Then we’re all in for the delicious smite that only God can provide. We’re with you, God!
The world doesn't revolve around him he can't stand it.