Damn The Billionaire Trump Supporter “Paying The Military” During Shutdown
Is it to keep the Epstein files from coming out?
Dear Humans,
Yesterday, The New York Times revealed who gave Trump $130 million to “pay the military” during the shutdown: secretive right-wing billionaire Timothy Mellon.
Behold, as God busts this Mellon story wide open with facts…and memes!
1. He’s a Mellon!
While America is still shut down, Donald has been busy tearing down the East Wing of the White House this week to make for his new golden Epstein Wing / Party Palace / Nazi Bunker.
Lo, as if that wasn’t enough evil for one week, Donald bragged that a “patriot friend” secretly sent $130 million to the Pentagon.
Well, it’s now been revealed that his name is Timothy Mellon, heir to one of the oldest fortunes in the country. Trump called it a gift, tried to hide it, and broke the law that forbids private citizens from paying soldiers.
$130 million sounds vast until you divide it. That’s about $100 per service member. Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon accepted the money with no audit and no proof the troops ever saw a cent. It’s clearly another open-air bribe for President Criminal.
2. Old Money, Old Racism
God has been around a long time and the Mellon dynasty runs like a dark current through American history. Andrew Mellon, Treasury Secretary during the 1929 crash, cut taxes for the rich and broke the world.
A century later, his heir funds the same cruelty. The family fortune bankrolls the Colcom Foundation and the Center for Immigration Studies, the think tanks behind Project 2025 and its anti-immigrant crusade.
In his memoir, Timothy Mellon called welfare “Slavery Redux.” He’s racist.
Public filings show Mellon has poured at least $165 million into recent elections, writing checks that dwarfed every other donor. $50 million went to a pro-Trump super PAC the day after his conviction on 34 felonies.
Then in January of 2025, Trump nominated one of Mellon’s longtime business partners to run the Federal Railroad Administration, the same network of men who built and sold Pan Am Railways for $600 million.
Then in late September of 2025, Trump quietly released the Amelia Earhart files, a symbolic favor for the same billionaire who once spent millions searching for her plane. Timothy Mellon is literally why we got the Earhart files but not the Epstein files.
3. President Piggie At The Trough
In addition to knocking down the East Wing this week to build a $300 million Epstein Wing, President Pigman demanded $230 million from the Department of Justice to pay his own legal bills.
That’s right, he’s just going to help himself to a quarter of a billion dollars of taxpayer money now.
And he’ll do it again and again and again, for whatever bullshit reason he comes up with next.
4. Hey, God’s Just Asking Questions Here
From the Romans to the Russians, every empire ends the same way. At some point the oligarchs stop pretending. They start buying troops and barking out orders to — as Trump said this week — “like, you know, kill them, ok.”
So what else is Mellon hiding? What other favors does he want?
And how come he never donated to anyone before Trump ran for president?
And why is he willing to donate $130 million to keep the government shutdown just a little longer?
Is it to keep the Epstein files from coming out? Is there a Mellon in the Epstein files?! Hey, God’s just asking questions here!
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Won’t you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with Me?
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Now go forth and cause some righteous trouble.
Love,
God
Interesting bits about the Mellons, members of America's first aristocracy, or ruling class. Fortunately, along came the Roosevelts (first Theodore, then Franklin), also members of the aristocracy, but more concerned (after some influence by others) with the needs of the many.
Hey God. You are my little piece of daily sanity. Between you and Borowitz, my day is made.
Keep doing what you’re doing and we’ll keep fighting the good fight!
Cathy J in Minnesota